This is really hard to admit and write but unfortunately Day Two was less than good. Old habits and thoughts crept back in and despite the success of my first two challenges, being on a third one was not enough to stop a binge. I feel disappointed and frustrated by it but I have also felt it coming if I’m honest.
I had no plans for the day and yet I didn't feel like calling anyone or doing anything. I know from experience that this can be destructive but I have managed these situations many times over the last 3 months so thought I would be fine.
I knew I felt like comfort food which is why I chose cheese on toast for lunch but I needed to pop to the shops in the afternoon and despite having no intentions to binge or buy any processed foods, that’s exactly what I bought. There was a long internal dialogue and many excuses to justify my actions went through my mind as I tried to find reasons not to do it but I ended up with both cookies and ice cream in my basket which I bought home and grazed on for the rest of the day. Even after I felt sick I kept going.
I’m not quite sure what to say about it. I’ve seen it happen so many times and am deeply frustrated that it has happened again. I know that being on my own at home can be a trigger for me but my social anxiety often means I prefer it that way if it means avoiding people. It can feel very catch 22.
I am hoping to move on from this and continue on the positive food path I had been on so I plan on finishing this challenge regardless. One binge does not have to mean it’s over I guess and I’m going to try to see this as an opportunity to look at my thoughts and actions and to maybe learn something further about my behaviour.
Breakfast – Sweet raspberry omelette with shredded coconut and a dollop of cream
Lunch – Organic cheese on spelt sourdough toast
Other - Ice cream and chocolate cookies
No comments:
Post a Comment