Day Sixteen

My ankle was very sore when I woke but as I had an appointment booked with my personal trainer, I knew I had to go. Thankfully she was very gentle with me, we did lots of stretches and moves that didn't involve my ankle and it felt good to be able to do something.

I should have gone straight home to rest afterwards but I went to the shops to get some food and by the time I got back, my ankle was even more swollen so I stayed at home for the rest of the day watching DVDs and keeping the ankle elevated.

Breakfast – Smoothie of coconut cream, banana, raw egg, cacao powder, salt

Mid morning - Coffee

Lunch – Buttered spelt sourdough toast

Dinner – Sausages with parsnip chips and sautéed onions, raw chocolate

Day Fifteen – Mini Challenge

Today I had an accident. I rolled my ankle and fell down hard on the pavement. It’s the same ankle that I sprained only 6 months ago and it has been weak ever since. I now have a badly swollen ankle and am limping around with a bad graze on my knee too. I was on my way to an appointment which I did keep but I came straight home afterwards and had it elevated for the rest of the day.

It’s going to affect the work I’ve been doing with the personal trainer and I’m also not sure if I’ll be able to hobble into the city on Sunday to see some friends I’m supposed to be meeting which will be frustrating as I really wanted to push myself to do it. I’m also going on holiday in a week and will be really annoyed if its not all healed by then!

I am seeing the personal trainer in the morning so will see what she suggests. I have warned her about it and she has already been full of advice so I’m sure she’ll have some ideas on how to get round the problem to still be able to do a workout!

Breakfast – Smoothie of coconut cream, banana, raw egg, cacao powder, salt

Mid morning – Coffee

Lunch – Vegetable and haloumi frittata with buttered spelt sourdough toast

Dinner – Leftover beef mince and vegetable bolognese, raw chocolate

Day Fourteen – Mini Challenge

Two weeks of my three week challenge down and after a bumpy start, I’m feeling much more at ease with it again now. My meals are quite repetitive but as I’m still on my own with my man overseas, I’m finding that making big batches of food which lasts 2-3 meals is so much easier!

Breakfast – Coffee then a smoothie of coconut cream, banana, raw egg, cacao powder, salt

Mid morning – Coffee

Lunch – Onion soup

Dinner – Leftover beef and vegetable bolognese with grated cheese, couple of spoonfuls of cream

Day Thirteen – Mini Challenge

A public holiday here in Australia  for Anzac Day so I had planned a lie in and a lazy day. Forgetting that I live around the corner from the local RSL though who of course had a dawn service, I was woken at 6am by music, trumpets and eventually the national anthem! Still, it enabled me to feel like I had joined in even if from the luxury of my bed!

It was a windy and chilly day but there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the sun was shining. I went for a walk along the beach late morning and enjoyed the warmth of the sun and a coffee. Then it was home for some cooking, cleaning and airing out the flat.

I made my Mum’s onion soup for the first time ever, using homemade chicken stock and lovely caramelised onions. I ate it for lunch to warm up and it reminded me so much of my childhood! Yum!

Breakfast – A sweet omelette with chopped banana and a dollop of cream

Mid morning – Coffee

Lunch – Onion soup with a small amount of grated cheese

Dinner - Beef mince and vegetable bolognese with grated cheese

Day Twelve – Mini Challenge

Breakfast – Coffee, then smoothie of berries, coconut cream, avocado, raw egg, cacao powder, salt

Mid morning – Coffee

Lunch – Chicken and parmesan salad, small piece of raw chocolate

Snack – Spoonful of cream

Dinner – Sausages with parsnip chips and steamed zucchini

Day Eleven – Mini Challenge

Last night I went to a Wake Up Sydney event and watched the film Finding Joe. It’s a documentary about living a more inspired and fulfilling life and I took 2 friends from work with me. We all walked out ready to hand our notices in the very next day and go off to follow our bliss! We had a lovely Thai meal before the film and it was good to see them both outside of work and realise how much we get on. It was surprisingly ‘easy’ and I wasn’t anxious at all.

Breakfast – Coffee then a smoothie of avocado, banana, raw egg, cacao powder,salt

Mid morning – Coffee

Lunch – Leftover chicken and vegetable stir fry

Snack – Homemade raspberry muffin and cream

Dinner – Thai meal out and we shared a chicken coconut curry, a beef and vegetable stir fry and a lamb noodle dish. I only had a small amounts of each knowing that thai food is typically full of palm sugar and I kept to very small amounts of noodles and rice and tried to stick ,more to the veg! We also shared a bottle of red wine.

Day Ten - Mini Challenge

Day Ten is here already which means I'm nearly half way through this mini 21 day challenge. At the end of it I am going on holiday for a week and I certainly plan to stay on track whilst I'm away but perhaps relax some of the options slightly as I'm sure we will be eating out lots.

I'm feeling really pleased that I have managed to have a very good week of eating since the binge last weekend and that I haven't let it affect the rest of the challenge or be an excuse to continue with the bad food.

I was up fairly early and after a cup of tea at home I wandered down to the beach in the sunshine. It was lovely and warm so I did a barefoot walk through the sand and practiced rolling my foot in the way the personal trainer suggested to help strengthen my ankle (I sprained it last year and it's been weak ever since).

I popped back home for a shower and a quick smoothie before nipping out to the shops. Then it was back home for an early lunch before catching the bus into the city to meet a friend for a drink at the Opera Bar.

Breakfast - Smoothie of banana, coconut cream, cacao powder and salt

Lunch - Vegetable and haloumi frittata with a slice of buttered spelt sourdough toast

Mid afternoon - Coffee, glass of red wine

Dinner - Chicken thigh stirfry with vegetable noodles and a coconut and tahini sauce

Day Nine – Mini Challenge

My first personal training was early morning and it was great. I was a bit intimidated walking into the studio and seeing there were other people there who would see what I was doing and then when I found out a trainee would be sitting in with my session too, I was very nervous! But it was fine and I learnt moves to specifically help strengthen my back and my core and to open up my chest and help me breath better. I managed to do everything ok and to laugh when things were hard and I’m looking forward to getting fitter and stronger.

It was then home for a quick change and then back out to the shopping centre where I met a work colleague for a coffee for a bit too. We’ve never met socially before but I’ve been very open with her about my anxiety and it was actually good fun to have a good catch up outside of work. We even did a bit of shopping together afterwards and she helped me pick out my new swiss exercise ball.

Breakfast – Smoothie of coconut cream, raw egg, raspberries, cacao powder, salt

Snack – Coffee

Mid afternoon snack – Buttered spelt sourdough toast

Dinner – Sausages with parsnip chips and sautéed onions and zucchini, raw chocolate

Day Eight – Mini Challenge

Breakfast – Smoothie of coconut cream, mixed berries, raw egg, cacao powder, salt

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Haloumi, roast squash and walnut salad with lemon juice dressing

Snack – Homemade raspberry muffin with dollop of cream

Dinner – Left over chicken stir fry from yesterday

Day Seven – Mini Challenge

Breakfast – Coffee followed by a smoothie of coconut cream, mixed berries, raw egg, cacao powder, salt

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Haloumi, roasted squash and walnut salad with lemon juice dressing, homemade raspberry muffin

Snack – Spoonful of cream

Dinner – Amazing chicken, egg and vegetable stir fry with zucchini noodles and a sauce made from coconut cream, macadamia nut butter, garlic, ginger and fresh coriander

Day Six – Mini Challenge

The today was supposed to start with my very first personal training session but the trainer cancelled last night so I have to wait until Saturday. Can’t say it was the worst outcome as the rain in Sydney was torrential and relentless so I stayed at home working whilst drinking tea and keeping dry!

Unfortunately the rain delayed my organic vegetable box delivery until mid afternoon. That meant that the lunch ingredients I was waiting on were also delayed and as the fridge was empty I ended up with toast – again – as I was so hungry!

Breakfast – Haloumi, onion and grated zucchini frittata

Lunch – 2 slices of buttered spelt sourdough toast

Dinner – Beef and vegetable casserole with parsnip chips, a few chunks of raw chocolate

Day Five – Mini Challenge

It took me so long to get home after an appointment across town by the time I got home was so unmotivated to cook that I coped out and ended up with toast. Not quite what I had planned but it filled the hole!

Breakfast – Smoothie of raspberries, coconut cream, raw egg, cacao powder, salt

Snack - Coffee

Lunch – Left over pork and vegetable bolognese with some grated cheese, homemade raspberry muffin

Snack – Coffee

Dinner – 2 slices of buttered spelt sourdough toast

Day Four – Mini Challenge

Today I went to see a personal trainer who was recommended to me by my naturopath. I was with her for 2 1/2 hours and we did all sorts of assessments and checks on my posture and how my body moves. It was extensive and thorough but I liked it and it filled me with confidence that this wasn't going to be a hard core chronic cardio type of thing.

We talked at length about my situation and especially more heart condition and I felt reassured by the process and suggestions made.

The hardest bit for me was standing in my bra and shorts whilst she took photos and even filmed me moving! Totally embarrassing and uncomfortable although I have to say, she did make me feel very at ease which helped a lot!

I am looking forward to working with her to build some strength in both my back and core, learn to breathe better and gain more energy. Session one is later this week!

Breakfast - Smoothie of mixed berries, coconut cream, raw egg, cacao powder, salt

Snack - Coffee

Lunch - Leftover chicken and squash curry that I grabbed from the freezer

Snack - Coffee

Dinner - Leftover pork and vegetable mince with grated cheese, dollop of quality cream for dessert

Day Three – Mini Challenge

I should know by now but leaving leftover binge food in the house overnight is never a good idea. It's too tempting. Whilst I was able to pull the ice cream out the freezer and throw the last of it down the sink, two chocolate cookies were eaten before breakfast. Like yesterday, that's hard for me write and admit. But it's true. The last two cookies however, I did throw out.

I (over) analysed my binge all day and I have decided to note down 2 'justifications' I used to reason why a binge was ok.

Firstly that I knew I was seeing a new personal trainer on Monday and therefore decided that that would refocus me but I might as well eat junk food until then.

Secondly, I knew that nobody would be angry at me if I admitted I went off plan. I knew that anybody I chose to tell would be sympathetic and tell me not to feel guilty etc. Because of this it felt like I was 'allowed' to binge, that people would be supportive and therefore it was ok to do it.

Crazy looking back on these excuses now. Neither of them make any sense when I think about what I am trying to achieve for myself. The binge monster swept in though and in that moment, I couldn't find the space to say no.

Instead of allowing this to dictate the rest of the challenge I am still set on completing it as I said yesterday. And after the two early morning cookies, I did thankfully eat some healthier food!

Breakfast - Two chocolate cookies then a few hours later I had a big breakfast of 2 sausages and 2 eggs on sourdough toast

Snack - Coffee

Dinner - Homemade pork mince and vegetable bolognese served with roast parsnip. I grated on some organic cheese after I took the photo.

Day Two – Mini Challenge

This is really hard to admit and write but unfortunately Day Two was less than good. Old habits and thoughts crept back in and despite the success of my first two challenges, being on a third one was not enough to stop a binge. I feel disappointed and frustrated by it but I have also felt it coming if I’m honest.

I had no plans for the day and yet I didn't feel like calling anyone or doing anything. I know from experience that this can be destructive but I have managed these situations many times over the last 3 months so thought I would be fine.

I knew I felt like comfort food which is why I chose cheese on toast for lunch but I needed to pop to the shops in the afternoon and despite having no intentions to binge or buy any processed foods, that’s exactly what I bought. There was a long internal dialogue and many excuses to justify my actions went through my mind as I tried to find reasons not to do it but I ended up with both cookies and ice cream in my basket which I bought home and grazed on for the rest of the day. Even after I felt sick I kept going.

I’m not quite sure what to say about it. I’ve seen it happen so many times and am deeply frustrated that it has happened again. I know that being on my own at home can be a trigger for me but my social anxiety often means I prefer it that way if it means avoiding people. It can feel very catch 22.

I am hoping to move on from this and continue on the positive food path I had been on so I plan on finishing this challenge regardless. One binge does not have to mean it’s over I guess and I’m going to try to see this as an opportunity to look at my thoughts and actions and to maybe learn something further about my behaviour.

Breakfast – Sweet raspberry omelette with shredded coconut and a dollop of cream

Lunch – Organic cheese on spelt sourdough toast

Other  - Ice cream and chocolate cookies

Day One – Mini Challenge

Breakfast – Smoothie made from mixed berries, avocado, raw egg, coconut oil, salt, cacao powder

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Beef burger patty with salad

Snack – Homemade raspberry muffin, coffee

Dinner – Left over chicken and vegetable stir fry with a coconut sauce and zucchini noodles

Snack – 85% dark chocolate

Where I've been and where I'm going

For the last few weeks, I’ve not been writing on this blog every day like I had done for the previous 9 weeks or so. The first challenge I set myself was helped greatly by tracking my eating out in the open on my blog so, when I started Challenge 2, I saw no reason to discontinue daily writing.

However, somewhere about half way through challenge 2, I stopped writing daily, partly due to being ill and partly I realised because I had more or less achieved what I had set out to do and that was to get into the rhythm of eating whole foods and cut out the junk. My meals were quite repetitive and keeping the blog became less motivational. I wouldn’t say that every day was easy or that I didn’t sometimes feel drawn to unhealthy choices but ultimately I had got into a routine and was able to come up with healthier versions of comfort foods when I needed them and not be tempted by old habits or foods in the same ways as before.

Challenge 2 came to an end and I completed it without too many problems. About a week before it finished my man went to Asia for 5-6 weeks. He’s still there now and will be for another few weeks. The day he left I struggled not to binge and it stayed that way for a few days but somehow I saw the challenge through and completed it.

12 weeks of no bingeing – that’s HUGE. Monumental actually. And yet I didn’t really appreciate the achievement at the time. In fact I hardly even acknowledged it.

And then over the Easter weekend I went to Melbourne. I went by myself to do some sightseeing and to challenge myself by getting out of my safety zone of home. Turns out though the reality of staying in a hotel in the middle of a city for 3 days is quite isolating. The idea of it was quite indulgent - doing my own thing, exploring a new place, taking photos, walking everywhere, stopping for a coffee or glass of wine beside the river – it all sounded quite appealing. After a couple of days though, I was ready to go home. At times I was quite bored I guess and getting so far out of a routine made me want to eat. Being on my own I felt less like eating at nice places where the healthier choices often are and more like treating myself to foods I had steered clear of for 3 months. I’ll admit I ate fries and loved them. I had some chocolate dessert which made me feel sick. And I ate a lot of bread. No binges, just choices that I hadn’t made in a while and foods I had been planning to avoid. And sadly I felt disappointed in myself. I had found a confidence in the routine of whole foods eating and then suddenly felt quite unsettled by the lack of routine in Melbourne.

Then Easter Monday came, I was back in Sydney and I found myself in the shops buying a bag of 6 chocolate cookies. Again, I’m not quite sure if I would class it as a binge but I did eat nearly all of them as soon as I got home and I didn’t even enjoy them.

Since Monday I have managed to get back ‘on track’ if you like and am settling back into the routine of home again. It’s tough for me to acknowledge these ‘slips’ from whole foods but I think this has a lot to do with having had such disordered eating for over 14 years that I have lost touch with what is ‘normal’ when it comes to food and eating. My ‘slips’ as I call them are probably, to most people, nothing more than a bit of indulgence, a bit of a treat and quite 'normal' in the grand scheme of things. They are not necessarily the start of a spiral out of control or a return to binge eating and I therefore should not feel disappointed or guilty. It’s what I do MOST of the time that counts. I don't need to be 100% perfect 100% of the time.

That being said I have decided to set myself a new mini challenge. I just want to be sure that I don’t use my ‘slips’ as an excuse to carry on slipping. I have certainly used this as an excuse in the past, telling myself that a little bit more won’t hurt and before I know it I’m back to junk food and binge eating. I am setting myself a mini challenge of 3 weeks which will take me up to my holiday. (Technically my holiday might start in only 2 weeks in which case the challenge may get cut short but it’s unclear at the moment when my man will be home and therefore when my holiday will start!).

I would also like to restart the blog to help me refocus with this challenge and I plan on keeping a food log and noting my progress as before. I’ll be back tomorrow for details of Day One!

Day Thirty Seven – Challenge #2

Breakfast – Coffee on the beach followed by a vegetable and haloumi frittata with a slice of buttered spelt sourdough toast

Snack – Spoonful of cream

Dinner – Beef and vegetable casserole with grated cheese and steamed cauliflower

Day Thirty Three – Challenge #2

What a glorious day in Sydney, it was a real shame to be shut in the office at work! Being Friday though and having a fairly relaxed job, I left work at 2pm and caught the ferry to Manly. I LOVE  this trip but rarely do it. I wish I’d had my camera on me but sometimes cameras can be distracting and I enjoyed just watching the glistening water, the sailing boats and the activity of the harbour.

Once home I headed down to the beach (with camera this time) and went for a lovely walk. The water was cold but I do love the sand between my toes. A few photos from my walk:

Food for the day:

Breakfast – Coffee, followed by smoothie with coconut cream, raw egg, strawberries, cacao powder, salt

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Chicken salad with lemon juice dressing

Snack – Homemade raspberry muffin with cream

Dinner – Sausages with parsnip chips, onions sautéed in butter and steamed broccoli

Day Thirty Two – Challenge #2

Breakfast – Coffee, followed by a smoothie of avocado, banana, raw egg, cacao powder, salt

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Salad of haloumi, roasted squash, cucumber and purple carrot

Snack – Homemade raspberry and coconut muffin

Dinner – 2 slices of buttered spelt sourdough toast (I was very late home and too hungry and unmotivated to cook)

Update

It’s been over a week since I last posted. I haven’t fallen off the wagon or gone back to binge eating but the illness I mentioned in my last post has taken its toll and I’ve been feeling very unmotivated to write.

I am pleased (and very surprised) that I did not fall back into old habits during this time, a time when I not only wanted comfort but I also felt too unwell to cook a lot of the time. By ‘old habits’ I mean binge eating and junk food frenzies.

I admit I may have had a fair bit of spelt sourdough toast and chocolate (!) but other than that, my food has remained similar to how it has been since I started my first challenge. I am curious at how I have managed this to be honest. Food still has such a pull that I have continued to be surprised at how well I am doing at steering clear of the processed stuff and the sugar and grains. If I could see an obvious alternative I have been ‘using’ or getting my comfort from then I could perhaps explain it, but so far it still seems more about determination and accountability than anything else. I am not sure where I have redirected the emotion that used to get comforted by food. Or perhaps the food thing had just become more of a habit rather than an emotional crux? I’m not sure what this means but regardless I am marvelling at it, staying mindful over it and actually quite enjoying watching it unfold.

I haven’t kept track on what I’ve been eating daily so I can’t update my food diary for the missing days but I plan to start again from now on.

Day Twenty Two

I’m not well. I prefer not to go to the doctors if I can help it but an issue that I’ve had for 2 weeks has not gone away so I finally decided to head to the docs after waking up feeling very under the weather. I’m not up to cooking or have little interest in food actually.

Breakfast – Coffee, followed by vegetable and haloumi omelette with a slice of buttered spelt sourdough toast

Snack – Coffee

Dinner – Chopped banana and blueberries with natural yogurt

Day Twenty One – Challenge #2

A beautiful day in Sydney and a lazy couple of hours on the beach seemed like the perfect way to relax!

Brunch – Vegetable and cheese omelette with sourdough toast, coffee

Snack – Coffee

Dinner – Slow roasted lamb with steamed cauliflower and broccoli and roast pumpkin, raw chocolate

Day Twenty – Challenge #2

It seems that my challenge, both eating habits and social anxiety, is about to get tested to the max. My man in heading off to Asia for 5 weeks. I was going to go join him for a week half way through but I’m thinking now that I won’t. This means 5 weeks of just me, being only accountable to me, having to cook just for me and having to get myself out there if I want some company. I hope to spend some time this week working out how I can support myself to stay on track and continue to be motivated at a time when my eating has potential to slip back to old habits.

Breakfast – Coffee followed by a smoothie of banana, coconut cream, coconut oil, raw egg, cacao powder, salt

Snack - Coffee

Lunch – Poached eggs on sourdough toast

Snack – Spoonful of cream

I didn’t have any dinner. I wasn’t hungry and had a very bloated belly. I just had a cup of tea and then a very relaxing Epsom salt bath before an early night.

Day Nineteen – Challenge #2

Breakfast – Coffee on the beach followed by a blueberry, coconut cream, egg and salt smoothie

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Chicken and parmesan salad with lemon juice dressing

Snack – Homemade blueberry muffin with cream

Dinner – Sausages, roast parsnip and carrot with steamed broccoli and sautéed onions, raw chocolate

Day Eighteen – Challenge #2

I forgot to mention that last week I was down another 0.5kg, although I had actually gone up 0.1kg the week before which I put down to time of the month. This week I have lost another 0.6kg and my clothes are most definitely feeling looser.

Breakfast – Coffee followed by a smoothie made of banana, avocado, coconut oil, raw egg, cacao powder, salt

Snack - Coffee

Lunch – Leftover bolognese with a small amount of grated cheese

Snack – One of my grain free blueberry muffins

Dinner – Lamb burger with parsnip chips (my current obsession) and a big salad

Day Seventeen – Challenge #2

Breakfast – Sausages with 2 eggs fried in butter and sautéed mushrooms

Snack – Coffee, grain free blueberry muffin with cream

Dinner – Beef mince and vegetable bolognese with parsnip chips and steamed broccoli, raw chocolate

Day Sixteen – Challenge #2

Breakfast – Coffee, then smoothie made from banana, avocado, coconut oil, cacao powder, salt

Snack - Coffee

Lunch – Chicken and parmesan salad with lemon juice dressing, one of my blueberry muffins

Snack – A third coffee!!! No attempt at an excuse, just being honest!

Dinner – Cheese and mushroom omelette with a slice of buttered spelt toast, chunk of raw chocolate

Day Fifteen – Challenge #2

Oooh, I wanted to eat today! I had a very stressful day at work after a night of very little sleep and I just wanted to eat to comfort myself. Having turned to food for comfort for so many years, food remains my automatic go-to, even if only in thought these days. I am so used to eating as a form of comfort that it becomes a very hard thing to resist. What I found today was that I turned to wine instead! Hardly the ideal alternative but sitting out by the beach watching the waves in the sunshine whilst enjoying a couple of glasses of wine with my man is a far cry from secret supermarket shopping for large amounts of junk food to then eat in secret, never even noticing the taste of the food or enjoying the experience. I consider this progress.

Breakfast – Coffee, followed by a smoothie of banana, avocado, coconut oil, cacao powder, salt

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – My coconut-almond granola with full fat milk

Pre-dinner drinks – 2 glasses of red wine

Dinner – Homemade beef burger patty served with parsnip chips and steamed broccoli and snow peas, another glass of red wine, a couple of chunks of raw chocolate

Day Fourteen – Challenge #2

I started the day with a beautiful long walk along the beach with my man and our overnight guest, in the sunshine (at last (!), we have had SO much rain recently!). Afterwards we stopped for brunch at a local cafe and I ate slightly off plan!!! Eek! It was a minor deviation and I have no guilt but I will at least admit it!

Pre-walk – Coffee

Brunch – 3 eggs on sourdough toast with a hash brown, coffee

Dinner – Chicken and butternut squash curry served with roasted spiced cauliflower

Day Thirteen – Challenge #2

I’ve been having some problems sleeping recently for unknown reasons. It’s been very frustrating and yet the more frustrated I get, the harder I find it to sleep! Finally on Friday night I slept! Until 10.30am! I must have needed it but wow, such a relief.

I had a lovely Saturday and it was topped off my a friend of ours coming up to see us for dinner.

Brunch – Vegetable and cheese omelette

Snack – Coffee and half a homemade blueberry  muffin with a dollop of cream

Dinner – Prime rib eye steak with half a baked potato and a pear and walnut salad, 4 glasses of red wine, coffee

Day Twelve – Challenge #2

My man had a heavy picture frame fall on his head at a friends house on Wednesday. Two days later and he was still feeling dizzy and nauseous so we spent Friday night in hospital so that he could get some scans and check on everything. Nothing came up so it’s hopefully just some mild concussion. We were still at the hospital for over 4 hours and it was 10pm by the time we got home and making dinner was not on the cards for me! I made do with a snack before heading to bed.

Breakfast – Sweet omelette with banana, desiccated coconut and a dollop of cream

Lunch – Haloumi and walnut salad with coconut oil dressing and fermented vegetables

‘Dinner’ – 2 slices of buttered spelt sourdough toast, couple of chunks of raw chocolate

Day Eleven – Challenge #2

Breakfast – Smoothie of avocado, banana, raw egg, coconut oil, cacao powder, salt

Snack - Coffee

Lunch – Haloumi and roasted squash salad with avocado

Snack – Coffee, homemade blueberry muffin

Dinner – Sausage and vegetable frittata topped with grated cheese, a few chunks of raw chocolate

Day Ten – Challenge #2

Breakfast – Smoothie of avocado, banana, coconut oil, cacao powder, salt, stevia

Lunch – Vegetable and haloumi frittata with wholemeal sourdough toast, coffee

Snack – Coffee

Dinner – Sausages with parsnip ‘chips’ and sautéed onions and mushrooms, spoonful of cream

Day Nine – Challenge #2

Breakfast – My coconut granola with full cream milk

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Homemade beef and vegetable casserole

Snack – Coconut-blueberry muffin

Dinner – Beef  mince and vegetable bolognese served with steamed broccoli, few chunks of dark chocolate

Day Eight – Challenge #2

Breakfast – Coffee, followed by smoothie made of blueberries, avocado, coconut oil, cacao powder, salt, stevia

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Big salad with leftover beef burger patty and haloumi from BBQ

Snack – Homemade coconut-blueberry muffin

Dinner – Homemade chicken and squash coconut curry

Day Seven – Challenge #2

Today I did some baking, something I often do on Sundays to try to get organised for the week. I had plans to make quite a bit but ended up just making some coconut-blueberry muffins and this granola:

I based it it this recipe (and Maria based hers on someone else’s!) but I omitted the chia seeds and I only used almonds, instead of almonds and walnuts. It is delish!! It’s not something I would eat every day but it should make a nice change to my breakfasts this week.

Breakfast – Two eggs fried in butter with spelt sourdough toast and grated cheese

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Small bowl of coconut granola with full cream milk

Dinner- Another BBQ! Homemade beef burger and a couple of slices of haloumi with a big salad with avocado

Day Six – Challenge #2

I had what I would class as a good day. My low self esteem and high levels of anxiety have prevented me doing many things over the years and many ‘normal’ situations and activities have felt too hard. Day six of this challenge saw me test myself in 2 of the areas where I have struggled.

Firstly, the beach. Two months ago I moved from inner Sydney to the northern beaches. I LOVE being by the beach, I love watching the waves and walking in the shallows, going for long walks in the sand, sitting watching the world go by and I love breathing in the fresh air and soaking in the calm I feel being by the sea. What I find very difficult though is sitting on the sand and relaxing, reading my book or sunbathing. Swimming in the sea or actually swimming in general is also something I find myself reluctant to do too. Today though I was able to make a slight step forward with this. Me and my man took a rug, some towels and books down to the beach and sat for a few hours relaxing. I don’t know what it is I find so hard about it but nonetheless it is uncomfortable for me. I had hoped to go for a swim but didn’t manage it, but maybe next time! Either way though I am still really pleased with the progress.

At the same time as I moved to the beach, I also bought myself this bicycle, isn’t she pretty?

I loved the idea of cycling around the beaches and getting some exercise too. The reality though was that I was very unconfident and nervous about actually giving it a go. After having the bike for over 2 months, I FINALLY braved it today!! After our trip to the beach, my man and I went for a lovely quiet bike ride up towards the lake and I LOVED it! It was really good fun and the feeling of accomplishment at finally doing it was really great too. Big smiles all round for that one : )

Breakfast – Leek, mushroom, zucchini and haloumi omelette

Snack – Coffee

Snack – Smoothie made from coconut cream, banana, coconut oil, cacao powder, salt

Dinner – On such a glorious sunny day, there is something really summery about ending the day with a BBQ. So that’s what we did! I ate a homemade beef burger and a couple of slices of haloumi with a big salad with a lime juice and coconut oil dressing. I also had 3 glasses of red wine and a few chunks of raw chocolate

Day Five – Challenge #2

Breakfast – Coffee followed by a smoothie made from coconut cream, banana, raw egg, coconut oil, cacao powder, salt

Lunch – I went out on a work lunch and ordered a lovely chicken and spinach broth to start and then the black angus steak (it was either that or a prawn risotto) which came with mashed potato and a red wine jus but I was extremely disappointed to see there were no vegetables (!), glass of red wine

Dinner – Two eggs fried in butter served on spelt sourdough toast with some grated cheese, a few chunks of raw dark chocolate

Day Four – Challenge #2

Starting the day down at the beach is becoming a real pattern it seems. Not such a bad way to start the day that’s for sure, I would love it to be part of a daily morning routine but I do struggle to get up early every day!

Breakfast – Smoothie made from banana, blueberries, coconut cream, coconut oil, raw egg, cacao powder, stevia, salt

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Homemade beef and vegetable casserole

Dinner – Slow cooked lamb shank with carrots, zucchini and onion with some roasted parsnip followed by some raw chocolate

Day Three – Challenge #2

A very low appetite day which was a good job as I was out and about in the evening and never did get round to dinner!

I went out to The Conscious Club at Bondi beach which I have never been to before but it turned out to be a very interesting evening. There was music by Appleonia, this short film which was very cute and touching, a group meditation and a talk by the lovely Sarah Wilson which I thoroughly enjoyed. She was very genuine and funny and I found the talk inspiring and heartfelt. She shared a lot of information and tips on living a better life from some of her extensive interviews with top health experts. I did get one photo but it’s a bit blurred and does not do Sarah any justice! (sorry Sarah!)

I started the day down at the beach with a coffee. I delayed breakfast as I wasn’t that hungry and then ate a vegetable and cheese omelette with a slice of buttered spelt sourdough toast.

I had an afternoon snack of a homemade blueberry muffin and a handful of walnuts.

And that’s it! Not a lot at all but I really just wasn’t that hungry.

Day Two - Challenge #2

Today was an anniversary of sorts so we went out for dinner to celebrate. Unfortunately when we got to the restaurant the healthy options were very limited! I picked what must have been the better choice but it was pretty disappointing.

Breakfast – Coffee, smoothie made from blueberries, avocado, coconut oil, cacao powder, stevia, salt

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Beef burger patty and haloumi with a big salad with lime and coconut oil dressing

Snack – Homemade blueberry muffin

Dinner – Steak with carrot, zucchini and potatoes with a shiraz jus, 3 glasses of red wine

Challenge Two

As mentioned yesterday I have set myself a new challenge. I was so pleased with the success of Challenge One that I started Challenge Two the very next day!

Now I’m a bit of a believer that you shouldn’t fix what’s not broken and at the end of the day, Challenge One met my goals so when I started thinking about Challenge Two I was quite reluctant to make too many changes. On the other hand, changes of course can be good and can reinspire me to move further forward.

My naturopath suggested further tweaks to the eating plan of Challenge One but this would mean further elimination of foods and whilst this is something I am definitely open to, with my long history of binge eating I want to be cautious not to feel so deprived that binges creep in again. I know that this has happened in the past. Challenge One helped me eliminate processed foods without too many feelings of deprivation but my concern is whether further tweaks right now will push this too far.

Bearing all this in mind, I decided on a gentle approach. My new challenge is to simply continue with the plan from Challenge One with extra thought given to the following areas:

1.    Adding in more ‘good stuff’ with an emphasis on more herbal teas, more vegetables and more digestive aids including fermented veg, apple cider vinegar and lemon juice.

2.    Rather than ‘ban’ certain foods, I want to just be more mindful of my intake of alcohol, coffee, dairy, bread and sugar to increase my awareness of how I feel before and after I eat/drink them. If my consumption of these do not reduce over the next 6 weeks, then I am ok with that, it is more about the mindfulness for now.

3.    Adding in more other ‘good stuff’ such as exercise, relaxation, sleep and play. In regards to the ‘play’, although have only really discussed my food habits on this blog, my binge eating started at the same time as I developed (sometimes debilitating) social anxiety. I plan to blog about this more soon but over the next 6 weeks I am going to focus a little more on this side of things and perhaps even set myself a few challenges too! I think all of this will help me to start tackling the emotional side of things as well as just the food.

I’m hoping that by focusing on adding in rather than taking away will help move me forward in a very gentle and supportive way. So without further ado...

Day Two of Challenge #2

I went to bed on Day One of Challenge #2 with a bad headache. Unfortunately it got worse and I was awake through most of the night. It was also still there when I woke up as was a touch of nausea. When I eventually felt like some food at about 10.30am, I had a slice of buttered spelt sourdough toast. I felt LOADS better for this but it just made me want more. So at 12pm I had 2 more slices of toast with poached eggs.

Despite not being hungry, I continued to crave bread and sugar for the rest of the day. I kept visualising chocolate brownies! I had an afternoon of grazing which was not really to plan.

Afternoon snacks – a few spoonfuls of cream, a homemade grain free blueberry muffin, raw chocolate, coffee

Dinner – Lamb and vegetable ‘lasagne’ with zucchini instead of pasta and some grated organic Swiss cheese instead of a cheese sauce, a few chunks of raw chocolate

Thoughts

Still excited by my challenge completion and achievement, I thought it would be good for me to look back over the last 6 weeks and review the challenge and my thoughts around it.

So what was the intention and goal for the challenge? Essentially I wanted to get myself off the junk food, reign in or preferably stop the binge eating and lose some weight. Well, tick, tick and tick! It’s only a start, my habits have not been ‘fixed’ in a matter of 6 weeks however there is no denying that the challenge has succeeded on all those levels.

So what was good about the challenge?

• No bingeing
• No junk or processed food
• Finding that my appetite deceased over the course of the challenge
• Realising that I do not need food for comfort, I clearly do not need to turn to it
• That is was easier than I thought it would be!
• That for the majority of the time I did not feel deprived. This is very different to how I’ve felt when I have been on weight loss diets or attempts to stop the bingeing in the past
• I found real pleasure in eating foods that are traditionally classed as ‘bad’ foods like butter and have felt nourished and satisfied by them. They have helped me be less drawn to binges
• That I followed the challenge through to the end and that I really achieved something. This has given me a great sense of satisfaction

And what have been the challenges/things I have found difficult?

• Living through the tough moments when I really wanted to eat!
• Bread/sugar/junk food cravings, especially at the beginning
• Finding that I have found it tough to restrict certain foods – coffee, chocolate after dinner, a glass of wine. They have not been binges but they have been things I have ‘leaned’ on
• Eating out – I found it hard to be able to eat at just any old place as so few options followed the plan
• Continually having to be organised and plan ahead – it can be pretty time consuming! Being organised however definitely pays off

Given the success I’ve had with this challenge, I have decided to set myself a new one to help me further along this journey to better health. Details tomorrow!

So my eats for the day:

Brunch – Vegetable and haloumi omelette with a slice of buttered spelt sourdough toast

Snack – Smoothie made from banana, avocado, coconut oil, cacao powder, salt, stevia

Dinner – Beef burger patty and haloumi on the BBQ with a big salad

In the afternoon my man and I went for a long 3 hour walk up to the lake. It was hot and sweaty, but a good workout and pretty peaceful too walking through the forest! Lush.

Day Forty Two

So here we are at day 42! The 42 Day Challenge is complete and I am SO happy with how it went. I’ve often had problems finishing things and it feels like a huge success to know that I’ve done it! If I’m honest, at the start, I never thought I would actually manage it. So that makes it even more rewarding!

The best thing is that I haven’t just completed it, I’ve completed it with absolutely NO binges! This is such great news. Binge eating and comfort eating have been such a feature of my life for over 14 years so this really is HUGE for me.

Right now I am trying to really appreciate my achievement and soak in the feeling of it. Going out for dinner to celebrate was also a lovely way to mark the occasion!

Breakfast – Sweet omelette with chopped banana, a dollop of cream and desiccated coconut

Lunch – We ventured up to Avalon for lunch and tried The Healthy Chef cafe, somewhere I have been wanting to try out for ages. The menu was terrific, I definitely want to go back to try more things! I had a chicken and boiled egg salad with a pistachio and citrus dressing.

Dinner – Prime rib eye steak with half a baked potato and a pear and walnut salad, 3 glasses of red wine

Day Forty One

I didn't get up for sunrise this morning but I was down at the beach about 5 minutes after the sun rose. It was so beautiful when I did it on Wednesday, I thought I would make the most of it falling at this time of day. It’s also a great way to start the day before heading to work!

Early morning coffee on beach

Breakfast – Smoothie made from blueberries, avocado, coconut oil, cacao powder, stevia, salt

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Beef patty with salad and fermented vegetables

Snack – 2 spoonfuls of cream

Dinner – Sausages with daikon ‘chips’ and sautéed onions and zucchini, raw chocolate, glass of red wine

Day Forty

Another weight loss this week – 0.4kg - which is great news! I didn't weigh myself on day 1 of the challenge and I don’t intend to weigh in on the last day but all up I have lost approx 2.5kg-3kg over this last 6 weeks so I’m very happy.

Breakfast – Smoothie of strawberries, avocado, coconut oil, cacao powder, stevia, salt

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Chicken salad with parmesan cheese and avocado with lemon juice

Snack – Coffee, homemade blueberry muffin

Dinner – 2 eggs cooked in butter with spelt sourdough toast and grated haloumi cheese, raw chocolate

Day Thirty Nine

I was up at 5.30am to get down to the beach for sunrise. It’s one of my favourite times of day although I rarely get up quite so early!!

Early morning coffee

Breakfast – Vegetable and cheese omelette with a slice of buttered spelt sourdough toast

Lunch – Smoothie made from blueberries, avocado, coconut oil, cacao powder, stevia, salt

Snack – Coffee on the beach

Dinner – Slow roasted lamb shank with squash, onions, carrots and zucchini with steamed broccoli

Day Thirty Eight

Breakfast – Smoothie made from blueberries, avocado, coconut oil, cacao powder, stevia, salt

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Beef and vegetable Bolognese with grated cheddar

Snack – Homemade blueberry muffin, coffee

Pre-dinner – 2 glasses white wine

Dinner – Beef and squash coconut curry with roasted spiced cauliflower, raw chocolate, glass of red wine

Day Thirty Seven

Breakfast – Smoothie made from banana, coconut cream, raw egg, coconut oil, cacao powder, stevia, salt

Snack – Coffee

Lunch - Chicken and haloumi salad with avocado and a coconut oil and lime juice dressing

Snack – Coffee, homemade blueberry muffin

Dinner – Sausages with vegetable and cheese frittata, raw chocolate

Day Thirty Six

I started the day down at the beach in the glorious sunshine. I had a coffee and watched the world go by. I headed home for breakfast only to find my man was just waking up and wanting breakfast down at the beach! So off I headed back down there again for some food.

Brunch – Vegetable and haloumi breakfast with half a slice of sourdough toast, another coffee

Dinner – Salad with chicken, haloumi, avocado and pear and a coconut oil and lime juice dressing

Day Thirty Five

Breakfast – Vegetable and cheese omelette with a slice of buttered spelt sourdough toast

Snack – Coffee, homemade blueberry muffin

Dinner – I made chicken curry and spiced roasted cauliflower, 2 glasses of red wine, homemade coco-choc truffle balls

Day Thirty Four

Brunch – Sweet omelette with blueberries and coconut cream

Snack – Coffee, homemade blueberry muffin

Dinner – Slow roasted beef with roasted squash, steamed broccoli and gravy made from beef juices, raw chocolate sweetened with coconut sugar, glass of red wine

Day Thirty Three

I’m down another 0.2kg this week, only a small loss but it’s all in the right direction!!

Breakfast – Smoothie made from banana, strawberries, coconut cream, avocado, coconut oil, cacao powder, stevia, salt

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Salad with chicken and parmesan cheese and lemon juice

Snack – Coffee, homemade blueberry muffin

Dinner – Eggs fried in butter on spelt sourdough toast and a small amount of organic grated cheddar

Day Thirty Two

I started the day with a lazy coffee on the beach with my man, lush. After he headed off to work I went for a walk in the sand before heading home. I work from home on Wednesdays which I LOVE.

Breakfast - Coffee, followed later on by a smoothie of banana, avocado, raw egg, coconut oil, cacao powder, stevia, salt

Lunch - Spelt sourdough toast with butter

Snack - One of my homemade blueberry muffins

Dinner - We ate out and I chose a meal which kind of fit the plan, but not really. Eye fillet with mashed potato, spinach and mushrooms in a creamy gravy, 3 glasses of red wine

Day Thirty One

Breakfast – Smoothie of strawberries, banana, avocado, coconut oil, cacao powder, stevia, salt

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Salad with haloumi and roasted squash with a lime and coconut oil dressing

Snack – Coffee, homemade sugar free, grain free blueberry and coconut muffin based on this recipe

Dinner – Leftover slow roasted beef with steamed broccoli and cauliflower, roasted squash and gravy made from beef juices and lamb broth, homemade coco-choc balls

Day Thirty

Breakfast – Smoothie made from banana, coconut cream, zucchini, cacao powder, stevia, salt

Snack – Coffee

Lunch – Salad with roasted squash and haloumi with a lime and coconut oil dressing

Dinner – Lamb and vegetable ‘lasagne’ using zucchini as the pasta and grated organic cheese instead of cheese sauce. OMG it was delish!